Wednesday, April 24, 2013

25 Truths About Tomorrow's Colonoscopy

1.  I am having a colonoscopy tomorrow.
2.  I can't eat any solid food today.
3.  I am already starving and it's only 9:22;  my stomach is making obscene growling noises.
4.  This is my third colonoscopy.
5.  Every time I type "colonoscopy", I spell it wrong.
6.  Maybe not.  I just checked, and I spelled it correctly.  For some reason my spell checker doesn't like that word.  I'm not too crazy about it, either.
7.  My dad had colon cancer, but he's just fine now.
8.  John is taking the day off tomorrow so he can get me to and from my appointment.
9.  The info sheet the hospital sent me made it VERY CLEAR that I needed a ride home.  It said cabs are not permissible.
10.  I find it weird that the hospital told me I can't ride home in a cab.
11.  I wonder what would happen if someone didn't have a car, and they only traveled by taxi.
12.  When I used to drop Jack off at Clayton last year, I would see a little boy get out of a cab each morning.
13.  I often wondered if his dad was a cab driver or if that was just how that little boy traveled.
14.  That little boy would have a hard time getting home after his colonoscopy, either way.
15.  It's starting to really annoy me that my spell checker doesn't like the word "colonoscopy."
16.  For breakfast I had beef bouillon.  It was delicious, but it didn't fool my stomach at all.  I am still hungry.
17.  I think I should have skipped my spin class this morning.
18. The last thing my spin instructor says at the end of each and every class is, "Have a great day, spread a smile, and eat some protein."
19.  There is no protein in beef bouillon, but there is a whole lot of sodium, which is why it tastes so great.
20.  Due to my colonoscopy, I had to skip my chai tea latte this morning, too, which made me sad.
21.  I made myself a cup of tea to sip on after I dropped Jack off at school.  It didn't fool my stomach, either.
22.  It's 9:35 and all I can think about is how much I want a 3-egg spinach-feta-mushroom omelette.
23.  Of course, eating a 3-egg spinach-feta-mushroom omelette would make my doctors extremely angry. But not my spin teacher.  She'd be thrilled that I was eating all that protein.
24.  I think I'm going to have John bring me a 3-egg spinach-feta-mushroom omelette when he picks me up tomorrow in his truck.
25.  I'm not going to lie, I kinda wish we owned a cab just to see what would happen.


  1. This is hilarious. Not the the whole colonoscopy thing but the way you told the story. Good luck. Oh and this post made me hungary for some reason.

  2. lol. bummer. hope it goes well! and good for you for thinking about your health!!!